- Will you marry me? Press 1 for yes or 2 for no.
- Nobody is available to take your call at the moment. They have been carried away by monkeys.
- (sound effects of many angry monkeys)
- Nobody is avaialble to take your call.
- Something is terribly wrong!
- Weasels have eaten our phone system.
- Press pound to save your changes.
- Press star to cancel.
- Thank you for calling Special Price Analysis and Marketing. For cheap generic Vallium, Xanex or Viagra press 1. For Gucci and Rolex replicas please press 2. To enlarge your penis or breasts, please press 3. To speak with the Minister of Finance of Nigera about a 50 million dollar account, press 4.
- International call
- to dial by name, press
- directory
- dollars
- conditions
- airport
- weather station
- snowing
- you could lose a few pounds
- please speak louder, or speak directly into the telephone to ensure a clear recording
- good
- bad
- status
- the weather at
- in your city
- in your zip code
- currently
- is currently
- to continue in english,...
- to hear current network status,...
- to hear weather status,...
- says that's a really stupid thing to do.
- Abandon all hope, ye who dial here.
- Please wait one moment while I access our gigantic library of offensive sounds!
- Moo!
- mooooo!
- Number not found in database.
- Visit the asterisk website at w w w dot asterisk dot org
- I grow bored of this conversation.
- Am I talking to myself?
- The last number that called your line was...
- un-indentified or witheld and therefore cannot be called back.
- To call this number, press...
- Please enter the number to be blacklisted.
- To blacklist the last number, press...
- To blacklist the last caller, press...
- To remove a number from the blacklist, press...
- Please enter the number to be removed from the blacklist.
- If this is correct, press...
- The number was successfully...
- added.
- removed.
- The number you are calling is outside of your local calling area. Please dial...
- or
- and the area code...
- before the number.
- Chris
- Ed
- Mike
- Len
- Brian
- John
- Jason
- for driving directions to our location, press
- available options
- to record call
- to turn off call recording
- groovy
- activated
- de-activated
- This call may be
- recorded
- monitored
- for quality assurance purposes
- because we're paranoid
- This voice path is insecure - do not discuss classified information or use project codewords.
- This voice path is secure.
- for
- to hear this menu again
- menu
- enter the extension of the person you are trying to reach
- after the tone
- Please rate the quality of the call you just made. Use the keys one through four to rate the voice quality of the call, with one being the best quality, and four meaning that it was very difficult to understand the other party. Press five if the call was prematurely disconnected. Press six if the call was never completed. Press seven if one direction of the call could not be heard. Press eight if there were other difficulties.
- Press the star key to hear this menu again
- Please enter the
- conference call
- chat room
- extension
- channel
- you wish to join
- card is invalid
- card balance is
- too low
- dollars
- cents
- minutes
- card number
- your
- Please contact technical support
- Doing an e-num lookup
- e-num lookup failed
- e-num lookup successful
- You at not authorized to call out using the PSTN
- Pin number accepted
- Speed-dial
- is not set
- has been cleared
- has been set to
- is set to
- Call-Forward on Busy
- Call-Forward Unconditional
- Call-Forward on No Answer
- Call-Forward Parallel
- call forward cancelled
- Please wait, while I connect your call.
- All our lines are currently busy. Please hold and someone will be with you shortly.
- Please dial the extension of the person you're trying to reach, or 0 for an operator.
- The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please check the number, and try your call again.
- hours
- seconds
- at
- received
- yesterday
- today
- tomorrow
- first
- second
- third
- fourth
- fifth
- sixth
- seventh
- eighth
- ninth
- tenth
- eleventh
- twelveth
- thirteenth
- fourteenth
- fifteenth
- sixteenth
- seventeenth
- eighteenth
- nineteenth
- twentieth
- thirtieth
- star
- pound
- hash
- octothorpe
- The office has been overrun with iguanas.
- We're off gambling and getting drunk.
- Nobody here but us chickens!
- Deadbeat!
- Please try again!
- The monkeys! THE MONKEYS!
- Please enter your voicemail password
- Your message has been saved
- Goodbye!
- Please enter the conference password
- The party you are calling
- is currently unavailable
- is currently busy
- For accounting
- For billing
- For technical support
- seconds
- And press pound when finished
- if this is correct, press
- otherwise press
- You entered
- I'm sorry
- That is not a recognized phone number
- Please try again
- sixtieth
- seventieth
- eightieth
- ninetieth
- hundredth
- thousandth
- millionth
- billionth
- negative
- zulu
- greenwich mean time
- time
- eastern
- central
- mountain
- pacific
- atlantic
- standard
- european
- daylight
- time
- please enter the number you wish to call
- then press pound
- year
- month
- day
- from an unknown caller
- your message is too short
- the number I have is
- to call this number
- to enter a different number
- to enter a number
- to compose a message
- to erase your temporary greeting
- to record your temporary greeting
- to re-record your message
- your temporary greeting
- has expired
- is in use
- will expire
- will not expire
- to change the expiration date
- to send a reply
- to call the person who sent this message
- to place an outgoing call
- if this greeting should be played indefinately
- if this greeting should expire at
- midnight tonight
- midnight
- tonight.wav">
- midnight tomorrow night
- tomorrow-night
- another time
- to hear the message envelope
- say your temporary message and then press the pound key
- to accept this recording
- to listen to it
- to re-record it
- to reach an operator
- to cancel this message
- nothing has been recorded
- please speak louder to ensure a clear recording
- I'm afraid I don't know who sent this message
- you cannot reply to this message because the sender does not have a mailbox
- invalid date
- message from
- target attendant
- outside transfer
- default attendant
- please enter the number to use for call transfer
- please enter the number of the extension to use for your target attendant
- to use the default attendant, just press pound
- this line does not support nine one one services [quickly]
- this line does not support nine one one services
- this line does not support one one two services [quickly]
- this line does not support one one two services
- you are caller number
- you are currently caller number
- in the queue
- in the line
- waiting to speak with a representative
- your call is now first in line, and will be answered by the first available representative
- these are currently
- calls waiting to speak with a representative
- the estimated hold time is currently
- minutes
- thank you for your patience
- National Weather Service
- Persons in the immediate path of the
- Please enter the conference call number for the conference you wish to join.
- Please enter the conference pin number.
- Sorry, but the user's mailbox can't accept more messages.
- That pin is invalid for this conference.
- abandons
- afternoon
- ampersand
- approximately
- are advised to seek shelter immediately
- at sign
- average speed of answer
- backslash
- bar
- barometric
- beaufort
- calls
- celsius
- chance of
- changing
- clear
- clearing
- close parenthesis
- clouds
- cloudy
- comma
- cyclone
- dash
- degrees
- dollar
- doppler radar
- dot
- early
- east
- easterly
- equals
- euro
- euros
- evening
- exclamation point
- fahrenheit
- falling
- fast
- fiftieth
- flooding
- fog
- foggy
- followed by
- fortieth
- freeze
- freezing
- gale
- greater than
- hail
- half
- has issued a
- hecto-pascal
- high
- humidity
- hurricane
- ice
- icy
- in the
- indicated
- kilometers per hour
- knots
- late
- later
- left bracket
- less than
- lightning
- local authorities
- low
- maximum
- meter
- meters
- miles per hour
- minimum
- missed
- mist
- misty
- morning
- mostly
- moving
- nautical miles
- north
- northerly
- one moment, please.
- open parenthesis
- partially
- partly
- pascal
- pascal2
- patchy
- percent
- period
- pipe
- please record your name at the tone.
- plus
- pounds
- pressure
- quarter
- quickly
- quote
- rain
- rainy
- right bracket
- rising
- scattered
- severe
- sighted
- slash
- sleet
- sleeting
- slow
- slowly
- snow
- snowy
- south
- southerly
- space
- staffing
- sterling
- storm
- sun
- sunny
- temperature
- thunderstorm
- tide
- tornado
- turning to
- typhoon
- warning
- watch
- weather
- west
- westerly
- wind
- windy
- with
- So, _you_ sound cute.
- So, do you dial here often?
- What are you wearing?
- giggle
- Oooo! Is that a telephone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
- Oooo! Is that a telephone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
- Oooh, that tickles!
- Press that button again!
- Yeah!
- He's currently away from his phone, the naughty boy.
- She's currently away from her phone, the naughty girl.
- Just kidding; didn't mean to get you all upset.
- Just kidding; didn't mean to get you all upset.
- Can you believe this phone system is free?
- Hang on a second...
- I said HANG ON a second!
- Wrong, wrong, wrong. Try again, smart guy.
- All your base are belong to us.
- Your call is important to us, but exactly why we haven't answered it yet is a mystery even to us.
- Perhaps we're
- Perhaps we're
- is
- To change your pin number
- To hear your account balance
- To redial the last number you called
- lunch
- Account balance is
- Do you have any idea what time it is?
- Do you have any idea what time it is?
- At the sound of the tone, the time will be exactly
- if you know the
- that you require
- it now
- to collect voicemail
- to join a meeting
- accessible through this system
- starting with either
- digit
- digits
- list
- user
- extensions
- office code
- speak to the operator
- UK
- welcome
- No empty conferences currently exist.
- You are entering conference number
- An error has occured.
- unconditional
- Call forwarding
- on busy
- on no answer
- enabled
- disabled
- Do not disturb
- error number
- Uh oh! [in a cutesy, Teletubbie's like voice]
- Uh oh! [in a cutesy, Teletubbie's like voice]
- has been brutally murdered and mutilated by the Teletubbies.
- Thank you for your cooperation.
- The computer is your friend.
- The computer is your friend.
- Asterisk is your friend.
- A man walks into a bar, sits down and ... welcome to Comedian Mail!
- You have dialed the wrong number.
- This is not the extension you are looking for.
- Please hold while we try to connect you.
- We're all busy with our hangovers.
- All lines are full of complaining customers.
- If you have a rotary phone, please stay on the line after the menu.
- Thank you for calling.
- Please listen carefully to the following system status message.
- All of our representatives are currently busy.
- Please leave a message after the tone and a representative will contact you as soon as possible.
- Please stay on the line and your call will be answered by the next available representative.
- To be called back when a representative is available, press--
- now.
- Please enter your ten-digit telephone number, area code first.
- Please enter your
- digit account number, skipping any punctuation, followed by the pound key.
- Press 1
- Press 2
- Press 3
- Press 4
- Press 5
- Press 6
- Press 7
- Press 8
- Press 9
- Press hash
- Press star
- Press pound
- For a wakeup call...
- Wakeup call
- This is your wakeup call.
- To snooze for...
- To request a wakeup call...
- To confirm a wakeup call...
- To cancel a wakeup call...
- Enter a time using 4 digits. Start with a zero for hours less than ten.
- Press 1 for A.M, or 2 for P.M.
- You have requested a wakeup call for...
- You have not requested a wakeup call.
- Your wakeup call has been cancelled.
- For english, press
- To continue in english, press
- to extension
- That feature is not available on this line
- To save this announcement, press
- To rerecord this announcement, press
- minus
- plus
- times
- divided by
- equals
- Your account
- has been
- on your monthly telephone statement
- Information about your last call
- has been flagged for retrvial by law enforcement officials
- Law enforcement officials may request this information
- within
- the next
- The number you have dialed
- The new number is
- has been changed to
- has been disconnected
- is no longer in service
- has been temporarialy disconnected
- at the customers request
- has been reassigned in another areacode
- please try area code
- has not yet been assigned
- calls are being taken by
- no further information is available about this number
- All circuits are busy now
- please try your call again later
- A charge for this service
- For the weather
- by
- telephone number
- zip code
- address
- international call
- please try
- www.switchboard.com
- directory assistance
- days
- weeks
- months
- years
- If you know the extension of the party you wish to reach, dial it now.
- To access our company directory, dial 411 or dial zero to leave a message in our general mailbox.
- Please continue to hold or dial zero to leave a message in our general mailbox.
- Call Forward
- The current time is
- will reflect a charge of
- added to
- do you wish to continue?
- for yes, press
- for no, press
- or press
- to hear this message again.
- For a list of
- that number
- Our business hours are
- for investor relations, press
- for the lyrics to louie, louie, press
- [
- to hear a toilet flush, press
- to hear an odd noise, press
- to infuriate our tech staff with your obvious questions, press [X]
- [T] is not available
- [T] to leave a message
- [T] to return to the main menu
- [T] to reach the main office
- [T] has been changed to [Extension Y]
- [T] to hear the current announcement
- [T] to rerecord this announcement
- [T] to enable this announcement
- [T] to disable this announcement
- If you're calling from a rotary dial phone, hangup, go to a phone store, and purchase one of those new fangled inventions called a touch tone phone.
- And if you're calling from a rotary dial phone, hello, there's this thing call touch tone sweety you might want to look into.
- If you're calling from a rotary dial phone, hangup, go to a phone store, and purchase one of those 21'st century new fangled inventions called a touch tone phone.
- Press 1 for yes, or 2 for no.
- Academic Support
- Accounting
- Accounts Payable
- Accounts Receivable
- A collect charge
- A collect charge of
- A connect charge
- A connect charge of
- Administration
- Alabama
- Alaska
- Albuquerque
- All outgoing lines are currently unavailable
- altitude
- and
- and/or
- approaching
- Are you still there?(Funny)
- Are you still there?(Disbelief)
- Arizona
- Arkansas
- Arlington
- Your account balance is...
- Your account number is invalid
- The balance of your account is...
- The card number you have entered is invalid.
- -digit account number
- followed by the pound key
- followed by the hash key.
- followed by pound.
- Please enter your 12-digit account number, skipping any punctuation, followed by the pound key.
- Please enter your...
- skipping any punctuation
- at any time
- At the following number
- Athletics
- Atlanta
- Your attention is required
- Auditing
- Austin
- Available
- Baltimore
- Barn
- Barns
- Bearing
- Billing and collections
- Billing
- bits
- Try to spend your time on hold not thinking about a blue-eyed polar bear.
- Bookstore
- Boston
- Box
- Business Development
- but (not emphasized, like "all but me")
- Bytes
- Cafeteria
- California
- Call
- This call has be preempted
- The call you have made requires a...
- call terminated
- call waiting
- Campground office
- Cancelled
- Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
- Your call cannot be completed due to network error.
- Your call cannot be completed due to an error at the receiving telephone company.
- Your call cannot be completed due to a temporary error
- Cause Code
- Cent
- Cents
- Cents per minute
- CEO's office
- Channel
- Charlotte
- Please check the number and dial again.
- Chemistry
- Chicago
- Claims
- Cleveland
- CLLI
- Collections
- Colorado
- Colorado Springs
- Columbus
- Communications
- Complaint
- Compliance
- You have been banned from this conference.
- Conference
- Conference Reservations
- That conference is full.
- has entered the conference
- has left the conference
- Your confirmation number is
- The leader has left the conference.
- You are now the only person left in this conference.
- people in this conference
- You will now be placed into the conference.
- The sysop
- System operator request cancelled.
- System operator requested.
- There are...
- users will join the conference.
- user will join the conference.
- The conference will begin when the leader arrives.
- You are in conference number...
- Connected
- Connecticut
- Connecting
- Connection failed.
- Connection timed out.
- Copy center
- Counseling services
- count
- crash
- customer accounts
- customer relations
- customer service
- Dallas
- date
- decode
- Delaware
- Denial of service
- Denver
- Department administrator
- department
- deposite
- design
- Detroit
- development
- Disconnected
- Disk
- Distrobution
- DNS
- Down
- duplex
- dupliction
- El Paso
- Email
- Emergency
- Encode
- Engineering
- Please enter your password, followed by the pound key.
- Error number
- euro
- euros
- explanation
- Facilites
- Feet
- Female
- Finals
- Finance
- Florida
- Food service
- Food servies
- For a daily wakeup call
- For billing
- For (emphasized)
- For quality control and training purposes
- For sales
- For service
- For tech suppory
- For the first
- Fort Worth
- Frequency
- Fresno
- from (empasized)
- FTP
- Georgia
- Gigabits
- Gigabyes
- Gigahertz
- Go away!
- Go away (playful)
- Please hangup and try your call again.
- has arrived at
- has
- hash
- has not been seen for
- Hawaii
- Headed towards
- Heading
- Health center
- Helpdesk
- Hertz
- Highway
- hit
- home
- Honolulu
- Housekeeping
- Houston
- HTTP
- Human Resources
- Hertz (again?)
- ICMP
- Idaho
- I... don't understand. (confused?)
- (faint laugh)I don't understand.
- I... don't... understand. (William Shatner-like)
- Um, I don't understand. (spoken quickly)
- I don't understand. (emotionless)
- If you have a maintenance contract or require emergency assistance.
- If this is correct...
- If this is not correct...
- In case I am unsuccessful, you should speak to...
- If you'd like to make a call...
- if you need help
- Illinois
- IMAP
- I am sorry, but I was unable to connect you to our on-call engineer.
- inbound
- Indian
- Indianapolis
- information
- Information Technology
- Initiated
- Initiating
- In service
- Inside Sales
- Internal Audit
- Interstate
- That option is invalid. Please try again.
- Investor Relations
- Iowa
- is at
- is not in the...
- is now being recorded
- IT Services
- Jacksonville
- Janitorial
- Kansas City
- Kansas
- Kentucky
- Kilobits
- Kilobytes
- Kilohertz
- Kilometer
- Knock knock!
- Language
- The last error on this line was...
- Las Vagas
- Legal
- Library
- To protect Internet bandwidth and maintain call quality, this system has a limit on the number of simultanious calls.
- Linux
- Load average
- Location
- Login fail
- Long Beach
- Los Angeles
- Loss
- Loss Prevention
- Louisiana
- Machine
- Just because I made it up doesn't mean it isn't true.
- Mail
- Mailroom
- Maine
- Main Menu
- Maintenance
- Male
- Management
- Manufacturing
- Marketing
- Maryland
- Massachusetts
- Mathematics
- megabits
- megabytes
- megahertz
- memory
- Memphis
- Mesa
- Message number
- meters
- Miami
- Michigan
- miles
- Milwaukee
- Minneapolis
- Minnesota
- minute
- minutes
- Mississippi
- Missouri
- Montana
- Moron! (said by an angry Allison)
- Motor Pool
- milliseconds
- Nashville
- near
- Nebraska
- Network Operations Center
- Network Operations
- Nevada
- New Accounts
- New Hampshire
- New Jersey
- New Mexico
- New Orleans
- New York
- node
- No route exists to the dialed destination.
- North Carolina
- North Dakota
- You do not have enough credit to dial this number.
- It is not necessary to dial a 1 when dialing this number.
- It is not necessary to dial the area code when dialing this number.
- It is not necessary to dial a 1 or the area code when dialing this number.
- The party at the number you have dialed has decided not to take calls from your number at this time.
- number
- The number is not answering.
- Oakland
- Off duty
- Office
- Ohio
- Oklahoma City
- Oaklahoma
- Omaha
- That's one small step for Asterisk, one giant leap for mankind.
- %That's one small step for Asterisk, one giant leap for mankind.
- On.
- Oops
- Oops (laughy)
- Oops (long o)
- Operations
- That option is not implemented.
- Order Desk
- Orders
- Oregon
- or
- All other options are left as an exercise for the caller.
- Otherwise...
- Outbound
- Outside Sales
- packet
- panic
- Pence
- Pennies
- Pennsylvania
- Penny
- Personnel
- P (pee)
- Philadelphia
- Pheonix
- Physics
- Ping
- Planning
- Please answer the following...
- Please enter the first three letters of your party's first or last name.
- Please hang up and dial the operator.
- Please hang up and try again.
- Please try again later.
- Please wait, and I will attempt to patch you through to our on-call engineer.
- Please enter your numeric message after the tone.
- Please try manually.
- Plugh (ploo-g)
- Annoucement number
- That option is invalid. Please try again.
- Phrase management.
- Prompt number...
- To record a phrase
- To review a phrase
- Point
- POP
- port
- Portland
- position
- pound
- Presales support
- Presidents office
- Press 0
- Press 1
- Press 2
- Press 3
- Press 4
- Press 5
- Press 6
- or press 6 to eject the last user.
- Press 7
- Press 8
- Press 9
- Press Enter
- Press Escape
- Press
- Press Hash
- Press Pound
- Press pound to login to voicemail, or * to hangup.
- Press return
- Press star
- Press the space bar
- Press tilde
- Printing
- Blacklisted
- Blocked
- If you feel this is in error...
- If you feel this in error, or unjust, please leave a message after the tone. Otherwise, please hang up now.
- If this is an unsolicited sales or marketing call, please be advised that we only wish to be contacted in writing.
- The last caller was...
- NOT
- Please dial...
- Please stay on the line to be connected.
- Due to the huge number of unsolicited calls we recieve, we are now screening all inbound calls where a caller ID is unavailable or withheld.
- Please stop calling. You are not welcome here. (annoyed)
- Please stop calling. You are not welcome here.
- This number is...
- The last caller was...
- To blacklist this number...
- to hear our contact details
- To whitelist the last caller...
- To whitelist this number...
- whitelisted
- You have been blacklisted on this system.
- You are calling from...
- Your Caller*ID is...
- Product
- Production
- Projects
- Public Relations
- Purchasing
- Purposes
- q.931
- q.9-thirty-one
- Quality Assurance
- Quality Contol
- Race
- Rainfall
- Range
- Rebates
- Receiving
- Reception
- Registrar
- The remote is already in this mode.
- remote is already in this mode.
- Remote Base
- Repair
- Repeater
- Repeat Only
- Research & Development
- Research
- Reservations
- Restarting
- Rhode Island
- Risk Management
- Roaming
- Room Service
- Sacramento
- St. Louis
- Sales Floor
- Sales
- San Antonia
- San Diego
- San Francisco
- San Jose
- Science
- Seattle
- Seconds
- Secretary
- Security
- Self destruct
- This system will self destuct in...
- Server
- Service
- That service is not implemented.
- Shall I try again?
- There is a shiny brass lamp nearby.
- Shipping
- Shop
- Show Office
- Simplex
- Simultanious call limit reached
- software
- Someone you trust is one of us.
- Someone you trust is one of us.
- Someone you trust is one of us.
- I'm sorry, I can't let you do that.
- I'm sorry, I can't let you do that.
- I'm sorry, I can't let you do that.
- Sorry you're having problems
- South Carolina
- South Dakota
- Spam
- The speed dial entry you've accessed is empty.
- speed
- Splat
- SSH
- staff
- station
- You step in the stream, but the water has moved on.
- Store Accounting
- Support
- Swap
- The system has crashed
- System
- Systems
- TCP
- Technical support
- Telesales
- Telnet
- Tennessee
- Terabits
- Terabytes
- terminated
- terminating
- Test tones follow.
- Texas
- Thanks for using
- The mailbox
- These is not customer support.
- This call may be monitored or recorded
- This call will cost...
- this
- This is the voicemail system
- Through
- time
- To dial by name...
- To hang up
- To hang up (slower)
- To hear the Caller*ID of the last call
- To leave a message for
- To log into voicemail
- The tones that follow are for the deaf.
- To reach the first available representitivie
- To reach the operator
- To report an emergency...
- To report a system or network down
- towards
- Trading Desk
- Traffic
- Trading
- Transportation
- Travel
- Treasury
- Tuscon
- Tulsa
- You are in a maze of twisty little menus, all alike.
- UDP
- Unavailable
- Unix
- up
- uptime
- users
- Utah
- variable
- Vermont
- Virginia Beach
- Virgina
- Visibility
- Voice Mail System
- Daily Wakeup Call
- For daily wakeup calls...
- For a one-time wakeup call
- One-time wakeup call
- was
- Washington, DC
- Washington
- was last seen
- we apologize
- web
- We don't have tech support.
- We're sorry...
- West Virgina
- When dialing this number...
- Who would you like to call?
- Wichita
- will apply
- Windows
- Wisconsin
- work
- Wyoming
- Yes, dear. (playful)
- Yes, dear. (annoyed)
- You can press
- You have reached a test number.
- You have these options.
- You must first dial
- You seem impatient