| Windows linked to... kidney stones? |
May 01, 2007
Jon Parshall, chief operating officer for CodeWeavers, a leading developer of Wine, which allows users to run Windows applications without Windows, recently suffered two weeks of mind-numbing agony and extraordinary urethral discomfort as a result of at least one or possibly more kidney stones. The cause: Windows.
In a CodeWeavers press-release, the company reported that Parshall began suffering the kidney stones in March, at the height of his company's development of a new version of CrossOver Mac, a breakthrough product that allows Mac OS X users to install and use popular Windows applications without the presence of the Windows operating system.
"It was like I was descending into the eighth level of hell," Parshall explained, "my days were filled with mouth-drying, white-hot shards of torment that stretched from my lower back across to my abdomen and beyond. Sweat-soaked nights were spent rolling in bed in agony. I pled for a second of respite in the form of sleep that never came."
No, it wasn't just the normal pain that comes with exposure to Visual Studio. Despite the agony of dealing with Windows programming, Parshall foolishly attempted to go to work the next morning.
"By the time he walked in the office, his face already had the pallor of a long-deserted rock quarry -- all bombed out, hollow and powdery," said Jeremy White, CEO of CodeWeavers. "I Immediately told him, 'as your long-time friend, colleague and life-coach, I suggest you see a doctor immediately.' Unfortunately, I was too busy building 6.1 [the next version of CrossOver Linux] to take him there myself."
"By that time I was wondering if I had ruptured a disc, or burst my spleen," Parshall recalled. "I tried to make it to an urgent care, but within about three blocks I could barely steer the car. I felt like I'd been kicked by a Clydesdale. So I headed for the closest ER, only to end up trapped behind a little old lady in a Buick Century going 18 miles per hour. Screaming at her didn't seem to help. She probably couldn't hear me, which was really saying something."
Shortly after reaching the ER, doctors diagnosed Parshall with kidney stones.
"Sure, at some level I blame the long hours sitting on my behind keying in code and consuming mass quantities of soda, coffee, chocolate and peanuts for these devilish stones," Parshall said. "But above all I blame Microsoft Windows, because were it not for Microsoft's equally fiendish OS monopoly, I would not have been spending so much time trying to make a few more apps run under our new version of CrossOver -- which, by the way, can be ordered on a free 30-day trial basis at www.codeweavers.com."
While Microsoft has often been connected with frequent outbursts of "FUD," security holes, and almost endless viral and worm infections, this is the first known case of kidney stones being associated with Microsoft.
"I call on all of my fellow open-source software developers -- especially dudes in their 40s like me -- to know they may be at risk," Parshall added. He also commented that, "Whoever thought it was a good idea to put nerve endings on the 'inside' of your kidney made about as intelligent a design choice as Microsoft making their Web browser a 'component' of their operating system."
For the true signs and treatment for kidney stones, CodeWeavers recommends consulting with your doctor. Or, seek more information online using an open-source Web browser.
-- Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols
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